What To Wear:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
The Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby : Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his allowance!
Monday, May 26, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Blondes In A Hailstorm
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hail storm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.
He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her
hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe.
Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into
the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.
He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her
hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe.
Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into
the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."
What's the starting Salary?
At the end of a job interview, the HR manager asked the young graduate,
"And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The graduate replied, "Around $75,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The HR manager said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 7-weeks paid holidays, full medical and dental care, company matching pension fund to 50% of salary, and a company car, it's usually a BMW for starters if that's ok?"
The graduate said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"
"Well yes, ...but you started it!"
"And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The graduate replied, "Around $75,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The HR manager said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 7-weeks paid holidays, full medical and dental care, company matching pension fund to 50% of salary, and a company car, it's usually a BMW for starters if that's ok?"
The graduate said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"
"Well yes, ...but you started it!"
Sunday, May 11, 2008
A MEAN Boss!
A large milk company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room wasfull of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked,'How much money do you make a week?' A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, 'I make $300.00 a week. Why?' The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back.' Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, 'Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?' From across the room came a voice, 'Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.'
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