WORTH GOING HOME?

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me" "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

Good News and Bad News

A man receives a phone call from his doctor:
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I couldn't reach you yesterday."

Caution: Old Ladies At The Wheel

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it! She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, do you know that we just ran through three redlights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "oh, am I driving?"

Wise Old Uncle Rusty!

Uncle Rusty is a wise man. A while back he retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and quiet, puttering around his work shop..That is of course until the school year began. On the first day ofschool three young boys, full of pent up energy from a full day ofschool, came down his street. As they walked down the street theybeat rhythmically on every trash can they past. Day after day, itwas the same thing. Beating, clanging and pounding out a rhythm on the cans as they walked down the street. Poor Uncle Rusty just couldn't take it any more.The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young musicians.As they worked their way down the street, pounding out a tune on the cans, Rusty stopped them and said, "You kids sure are having a lot of fun. I like seeing young people like you, express themselves. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang up job on the trash cans.After two days, Uncle Rusty greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad expression on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."The boys were not pleased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon concert. A couple of days later, Sly Uncle Rusty approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.With words that would ensure he would have peace and quiet from that day forward he said "Look, my Social Security check just isn't stretching as far with the expenses. So I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents a day. Will that be okay?""What?! Just a crummy quarter?" the boys exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"

The GAGS 'N GIGGLES BLOG

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